Robert DuSold

The winds of change are blowing.

I’m all in for change, and equality. I stand with fellow human beings who are, especially at this moment, looking…demanding…seeking… racial equality and justice. It’s time for change. The conversations are difficult, and at times unwelcoming. They’re tough.

However, commercial theater lives in it’s own world. Some of the same rules apply.

And some don’t.

What I have to say may challenge some, it may outrage some..I don’t know. It seems to be part of the deal to be provocative. It’s part of the message. Willfully. Tactically. Part of my entitlement is I have no fucks left to give.

Here’s what I see. Here’s what I’ve seen. Here’s what I think:

I see a caste system in theater that’s not part of this conversation. It transcends marginalization in many ways. If you are a star, even in the much tinier world of theater, you will be listened to. If you’re a TV or film or pop or internet star or the new flavor of notorious, you will be treated differently, and better, in American Theater.

If you are not, you don’t have a voice. If you are not a “name”, you are diminished. That’s how commercial theater exists. That is the cast(e) system.

All professional actors existed in that world. Some of us don’t exist anymore. On the planet.

Here’s what I see: I see a professional actor in a Broadway show for decades who was helped and aided and abetted to his suicide by a hierarchy that looked the other way. His name was Jeff Loeffelholtz. He was relentlessly abused and harassed by the Lords of the Cast(e) system. No one really did a fucking thing but watch.

If you were one of the starstunt cast members in “Chicago” … any variety… you would never, ever be shown that disrespect. Or abuse. Ever. You would be coddled, massaged, placated and celebrated while the conductor rolled her eyes at Jeff and mocked him during a performance, from the podium. On Broadway. If you are a blue collar, no namey actor the stage is set to actively abuse you. It happens every day, in almost every show. Well, it doesn’t happen today because there’s no theater. That’s another part of what people don’t want to hear. There’s a movement based on something that doesn’t exist at the moment. Or will not for an unbearably long time.

Jeff’s suicide, and what led to it, has never found resolution. No one has been held accountable. No one is talking about it. No one has talked about it much. That is painfully apparent. Anyone in a position to bring change and accountability has failed him. And all of us. That would include Actors Equity.

The cast(e) system lives on.

I see this: I see myself as a young actor on the road being beaten up, threatened and harassed for wearing a cast jacket, and appearing to be gay and called a fag. Or a faggot, or a homo. On elevators, in parking lots, in shopping malls. Take your pick. In pretty much every state. I see being picketed by Fred Phelps from crowds with signs that read “New York faggots die of AIDS” and “New York Fags Go Home”! I see being terrified, and outraged.. especially by fellow cast members who agreed with him.

I see every person who signed that above statement … using their privileged voices and names in American Theater… to casually further marginalize me as a gay man. None of us should be asked, or be a tool, in prioritizing our identities in a way that befits anyone’s argument for equality. No one. That voids the argument. You wanna climb over me? Do you think I’m higher up on the ladder? I try not to look at life that way.

I see you. Do you see me?

That is a hamster wheel of oppression. That will not bring about change.

These are not binary choices. Life is not binary. I’m trying to step into your shoes. Step into mine. Let’s walk together. That’s also what art does. That’s what art is. Actually I’m not sure of that anymore.

I see being silenced by “America’s theater”.. the Public … as an artist and creator of what turned out to be a controversial piece that I adapted for the stage. I was told to not speak, to shut up, at a town hall that was intended to quell a growing controversy over a show I created. I see some names on this list that are crying out for accountability and representation who’ve worked there. The Public is another commercial enterprise that doesn’t want anything to affect their bottom line. I get it. But, in this context they are part of the problem too.

Commercial theater is not moral. Plays and musicals may be. It is exploitative by nature. 5..6…7…8 Dance! Sing! Perform! Then you get a paycheck every Thursday. It is commerce, and while there’s room for moral clarity in there, it’s a relatively small amount. No matter what happens on the other side, no matter who is weeded out, no matter who is in charge… they will still have to raise 10 million dollars to put on a show. That is a fact. That’s not up for debate. Maybe we should be talking about that too.

I see this: If theater is to become more inclusive and representative, charging $5,000 a pop isn’t the way to accomplish that.

No one seems to be talking about the other side. When, …if theater reopens. It doesn’t diminish the argument, or the necessity for change, it just so happens that it’s taking place in a vacuum. It’s taking place while really nothing much is at stake. Because no one’s working. While I’m sure many have called out for justice in the past, as I have, I can only hope the same intensity is there when jobs are at stake. When it’s not safe.

Here’s the biggest thing I don’t see: the audience. That’s who is missing from this kinda sorta conversation. You wanna change the stage? You have to change the audience. I’ve been very lucky to donate my time and talent to a theater company whose main mission is racial diversity. I have seen not only the stage change, but the audience. And it’s fucking thrilling to watch. It’s electric. There’s an audience who see themselves all around. Everyone. On the stage and off. They’ve accomplished so much in a very smart, quiet, inspiring, inclusive way. But people gotta come and see your show. Changing the stage is half the equation. I’ve been asked to be in a number for them because “we need a white guy” to sing something. I don’t mind. At all.

Finally, I see myself. I will continue to stand alongside those seeking equality. I stand with you….and I will continue to speak out. For whatever reason, I do when there’s very little support. From anybody.. or very few. I’m inspired by so many. But I have spoken out, as many do, when a lot is at stake and I can’t sit by any longer. I’ve so wanted people to jump on the bandwagon and have seen most fall by the wayside.

I am a proud gay man who happens to be white. I will not parse myself. I will not split myself in two. I will not diminish my identity to fit into anyone’s narrative but my own. And I expect no one else to.

“I see something of myself in everyone
Just at this moment of the world
As snow gathers like bolts of lace
Waltzing on a ballroom girl” Joni Mitchell

And a five, six, seven, eight…………….